Ok, so earlier in the week I sold my 540 on e-bay. No problem, money in the account - all aboveboard.
The only odd thing is it was bought by a Polish bird in Edingburgh, on behalf of her brother, so the car was going to Poland. No idea why but they paid so no problem.
Today the Polish car tansporter arrives. Now, here in England car transporter means some kind of vehicle with ramps and a flat bed. In Poland "car transporter" obviously means some kind of large wagon you'd normally use to transport several tonnes of potatos.
Cue phones calls to me and driver (who knew about 2 words of English - one of them being "ramp?") asking if I could sort some means of getting the car into the truck. "perhaps I know of a friend with a forklift?". Not really, forklifts are not that common around the yorkshire dales at 7:30pm. Perhaps I could eat a lot of spinach and then lift the car into the truck for them.
After getting fed up of the ridiculous charade I told them I would keep the car locked at home for them to return with a suitable transport or I'll leave the keys with them and they can sort it themselves -either way I wasn't wasting my evening trying to find some ramps.
Next thing I know the driver returns from another phone call and begins to take his truck apart, removing some aluminum panels from the side of his truck. He then fashioned some ramps. Given that they bent when I stood on them I wasn't hopefully on them surviving 2000kgs of BMW 540 traveling up them.
Notice the milk crate providing much needed support for one ramp, afte this picture the other ramp was supplemented with some bricks he carried around in his truck -In fact the only tools he appeared to have brougth was a bent aluminum step ladder (perhaps an earlier ramp replacement, and his bricks).
So 2000kg vs milk crate: go go gadget dumb ass
whilst he was pondering this I nipped home to get some axle stands to hopefully supplement the milk crate/ brick. As I headed back I saw drivers of on-coming cars chuckling to themselves. Rather a happy queue I thought. ThenI saw why.
Captain dumb ass had failed to understand my offering of help and proceeded at full speed into the spud-truck. The front managed to get in but the mighty 286BHP from the rear wheels had then fired both ramps down the road. Leaving the car, well, with it's arse hanging out.
FFS
Unperturbed, I fetched him my trolley jack, and with his swiss army bricks the car was jacked up enough for him to drag the car forward using ratchet straps in the wagon attached to the tow eye at the front.
Obviously, at purchase the car had a fully working exhaust and rear suspension, as well as sills. Now I'm not so sure.
After more ratchet strapping and brick lifting it eventually got in the wagon, and is now on it's way to the lucky buyer.
I just hope they have some bendy ramps, bricks and milkcrates available at the other end to get the sucker off.
without the pics you would never have belived it 
(50% tighter than a ducks a$$
)
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